English...

Have you ever been in a position, whereby you don't know how to rate yourself? What I mean is, whether you should be very confident in facing the situation that you are in, or to look up to people above you and feel that you are not up to their level... yet...

I've been in that situation, for countless times now... Worrying about my English is one of those situation that I cannot run from... I saw some people doing their presentation, and I said to myself, "Hey, I can do better than him." I know it's just a matter of giving myself a lil confidence to proceed with challenges in my life, but then I also found out that there are millions of those who are a lot better than me... And those are the times, that my self esteem seems to decrease without me realizing it...

I'm pretty sure it's the situation that everybody have to face every now and then... It's just that we don't really discuss about it... Of course, who would want to discuss about their own weaknesses.. :)

For 1 reason, I feel that I'm in a disadvantage position... Well, while most of my friends are residing and studying in an English spoken country, where everybody around you are speaking nothing but English, I'm struggling here, forcing myself to practice English in everyday's life without having anyone talking to me in English... end up, I talk to myself in English most of the time... huhuhu... I'm not saying that it is bad to use my own language, as in Malay language, but then for most of the academic matters, it always goes back to English... and that's why I have this bad, dumb feeling...

Not wanting me to be in that feeling all the time, I've decided to not pushing myself too much... Of course, I had been through those A-Level years, when we are forced to sit in the English class for at least 4 hours a day... And I still think, that was the hardest time ever in my life... I never like being in any language class, mind you... I could still remember, we are asked to write our own daily journal, submit it every week... We need to read 2 books every week, and tell the rest of the class about those books... and I believe this was when I grab my public speaking skill, hehehe...

So, lesson learnt...

One mustn't be very very confidence in oneself until it destroyed the feeling of unsecure, and hence drag the learning curve down under the axis...

But...

One also mustn't feel that he/she is very very bad in whatever he/she is doing, until it vanished up the guts of trying something new and hence bored with this exciting life every other person is enjoying...


p/s: for all i know, there are nobody who will judge my English here, right? hehe... (talking about unsecure.. duh... )